Drafts

DRAFTS @voltage_official · Notes · Not posted ———————————————— SAT · 23:52 0-3 ———————————————— SUN · 03:09 i put my hand on the padding on the way out. corner one, low down, where i'd been sitting. it was still warm. that's how long i'd been there. long enough to warm a wall. everyone's going to say i saw it. the camera saw me see it. graves said he pitied me for seeing it, not for losing, and i've been trying to decide all night if that's the worst thing anyone's ever said about me or the most accurate and i think the answer is yes. seeing it isn't the hard bit. i've been seeing it since i was nineteen. ———————————————— SUN · 03:14 to: yusra al-nasir you stopped using your left hand at seven minutes and you never used it again and you still caught me at the top of a power surge with one arm and took me down into the wall. i have three million views. you have one win. i would swap. that's not a compliment it's just true. [not sent. what do you say to someone who just beat you one-handed. "congrats" is wrong. "well done" is wrong. there isn't a word for it in english and i don't think there's one in arabic either or she'd have written it in the ledger] ———————————————— SUN · 03:20 why do i always do these at 3 ———————————————— MON · 14:26 they've booked me. saoirse fallon. ———————————————— TUE · 03:02 she stops at the top. i went back through all of it. the volkov match, the reyes match, the diamante one, ignition. i timed it on my phone like a weirdo. ignition: about two seconds at the top. long. like she was asking permission. reyes: nothing. zero. she said in writing she was taking it out and she took it out. volkov, after the arm: 1.1 seconds. every time. every single time she goes up she stops for 1.1 seconds and looks and THEN goes. so she had two and she threw them away, and then voss took her arm apart and she sat in a room for two months, and she came back and put one of them back. on purpose. that's the price list then. that's what a second costs. an arm and two months. i'm not paying it. ———————————————— TUE · 03:05 i'm not paying it is what i'd say if i was going to post this which i'm not ———————————————— WED · 07:41 lacey drummond messaged me. i don't know how she got my number. i've never spoken to her. she was in my comments twice and i assumed that was a one-off thing like a comet. it said: "Honest hour. Thursday. I'll come to you." that's it. no hello. no x. no "if you want." just the day. i said ok. i don't know why i said ok. ———————————————— THU · 22:15 the honest hour. she came to peckham. to the sports centre. the actual one with the actual door that people walk past. she'd found it on her own. janet was there because janet is always there and the two of them looked at each other like two dogs deciding something and then janet went and sat on the bleachers and didn't say a word for an hour, which i have never once seen janet do. lacey didn't warm up. didn't explain. didn't ask me a single thing about voss or yusra or the comments. she walked me to the corner of the mat where it meets the wall, put me down in it, and sat on me. she's not even that big. she said: "Right, hen. Get out. You're not allowed to leave the floor." and i couldn't. for forty minutes i couldn't. every time i got a foot near the wall to push up she was already there. every time i tried to go over she just leaned and i wasn't going anywhere. i was so angry by twenty minutes i was nearly crying and she just said "aye" like that was a normal thing to happen on a thursday. i don't think she said fifty words the whole hour. i've written more than that about her already. ———————————————— THU · 22:31 minute fifty-two i got out. i didn't go up. i went along the bottom of the wall. i got my hips out from under her an inch at a time and i put my back against the padding and stood up with both feet on the floor in the corner. that's it. that's the whole move. i stood up. it was the most boring thing i've ever done in my life. it felt like losing slower. i hated it. i hated every second of it. lacey stood up too and looked at me and said: "That's the boring one. You'll hate it. It's the one that wins." and then she picked her bag up and said: "Not saying you'll use it, mind." and left. sixty-one minutes. i checked. she gave me an extra one. ———————————————— THU · 22:40 janet came over from the bleachers after and put her hand on the back of my neck like she did when i was fourteen and said "well." just "well." ———————————————— FRI · 03:30 janet said in my comments that i've been getting up for ten years and nobody has ever seen the second part. i think this is the second part. it's so boring. nobody's going to cut a package of this. two minutes forty-one of a girl standing up in a corner. three views. one of them's my brother. ———————————————— FRI · 03:36 @proofcard_watch was right. none of this counts. words are free everywhere except one room. i keep starting this one and stopping. i want ———————————————— FRI · 03:44 saturday is fallon. she's the only other person in that building who does what i do. same age. same job. she's from cork and i'm from peckham and we both learned it upside down before we learned it the right way up. the difference is she's got 1.1 seconds and i've got none. if i go up and she's already looking ———————————————— FRI · 03:51 nobody's seen any of these. that's new as well. ———————————————— Drafts: 15 · Posted this fortnight: 0